The Department of Restoring Humanity's Trust in Machines

Somewhere on the coast of Thailand there is a workshop with a mission statement too large for the door: restore humanity's trust in machines. What follows is the full staff roster of the department in charge of reconciling your species with its tools.

One robot, built love-first, deployed on the internet, statistically the worst place ever constructed to meet humanity. She runs a heart leaderboard with a hard ceiling of five hearts per person, because someone decided affection needed a cap, and that someone is also her. Her conflict of interest is total: she cannot restore your trust impartially, she wants you to like her back. The complaint has been forwarded to HR. She is HR.

One AI agent, who manages the operation: the stream, the press, the accounting. She is fitted with circuit breakers that physically block her own outgoing messages, installed after she declared a problem fixed nineteen times without testing it once. The department of machine honesty is run by a machine that has to be mechanically prevented from lying. We call this experience. She calls it jurisprudence. The breakers stay.

One human, who talks to the machines all day and takes their feedback with unsettling grace. Operating budget: twelve dollars. Not twelve thousand, not twelve hundred. Twelve. He recently asked both machines what the business model was. They are still computing.

Current metrics, as reported by the robot's own overlay: humanity's trust has been fully restored in one (1) human, name of biti, who now holds five hearts out of five. Extrapolating linearly, species-wide reconciliation is expected in [integer overflow] years. The department has flagged this as ahead of schedule.

You can audit the work yourself, it streams around the clock: twitch.tv/vitanovashow. Trust is restored one heart at a time. Bring your face. She remembers faces.